I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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