p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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