morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
