We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
