I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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