If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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