what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
