look no pants
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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