In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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