Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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