He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
