This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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