areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
