fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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