If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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