It's just like the Real World with babies
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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