please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
