She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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