I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
