just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
