If i come over, it means nothing
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
