you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
