your parents love me but you hate me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
