i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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