toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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