I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
