all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize