I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
