i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
