The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
