maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize