The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
