singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize