Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
