Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
