sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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