i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
