just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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