But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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