Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm too high and old for this...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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