dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize