i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
