I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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