I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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