Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
