I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
