I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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