your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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