Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
