can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
