Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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