the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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