I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
