I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
