Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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