Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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