the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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