through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
