Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
