Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
