i would punch a child for taco bell
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
