Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wear drunk well.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
