ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
