Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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