You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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