I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
